At some point, you hit a proverbial wall when you realize,”hey, I’ve had enough” and subsequently, you raise your self esteem and remember your worth. I’ve come to many realizations recently about myself and I’m thankful to the supportive people in my life who have shared their wisdom with me and given me a shoulder to cry on. Feeling insecure, rejected, attached, and vulnerable is part of being human. It’s okay to feel sad and it’s okay to cry. But what you do with those feelings and whether you let them consume you or if you turn it into a strengthening and learning experience is your decision. Know your worth, don’t ever forget how special you are. And if someone makes you doubt your value or makes you compromise yourself or your integrity, they don’t deserve your tears.
Incessant phone calls beginning at 2am the other night from “the past” really shook me up. I felt like screaming, crying and punching a wall, all at the same time. A welter of tidily buried feelings were brought back to raw, vivid life instantly, and it got me thinking…
Photo: Cure on Flickr
When you share genuine love with someone, even in its dark moments, it is beautiful. The joy, laughter, pain and the tears are all part of the experience. But what if you have feelings for someone who is wrong for you? If this person disrespects you, doesn’t consider you, or takes advantage of your vulnerability? When all thought and reason tell you to be strong and toss the jackass out, you instead succumb to your emotions and allow yourself to be treated in a way that does not empower you. This person who at one time made you smile now makes you cry, so why do you let it continue? Perhaps you are attached because the way the person treats you reaffirms some negative emotion you have about yourself. That person may bring to surface the insecurities or negative emotions that you are already familiar with, so it’s strangely comforting. Maybe you just really believe that time will change things. Perhaps it’s a self esteem issue.
Photo: La Salsera on Flickr
Last night, the girls and I got all glammed up for a night on the town. We enjoyed some divine food and wine down in the cellar at Salt before dashing off to the Chinese Cultural Centre on the last day of BC Fashion Week. The spotlight was on the new Quiksilver Women’s line. I was stoked to support my friend Perry, who is heading up the line for Canada. She did an absolutely incredible job of putting together a fashion show which truly captured the essence of the Quiksilver woman- carefree, hip, laid back and stylish.
As for the clothes…the collection looked incredible in the show. I can’t wait to get my butt into some QSW. This collection just has so many fantastic staples and amazing accent pieces that will undoubtedly add to your wardrobe, no matter what your style is. After the show, it was off to The Alibi Room, where my buddy Mark was spinning some funky beats. I feel so fortunate to work with such an outstanding team of people. When my head finally hit the pillow, I fell asleep (far too late) with a big smile across my face last night. I am so proud of all of my friends who were involved in making the show a huge success.
and the stiffness it dissolves.
I have been doing so much thinking.
I have been doing so much grieving.
I resolved to communicate.
I resolved to let loved ones know
where they had places in my heart,
and how they changed me.
- Sometimes I can ignore the ache.
- I cry in movies even easier than I used to.
- When I pick up a pen to write, I think about Grandma.
- I miss my best friend more than ever.
- I spend lots of time in my head, but that’s okay.
- I am a complicated creature.
It’s lights out when feelings for someone change
to something else entirely
to something beyond the expected.
My heart stopped and your shoulder was there…
It’s always this brushing lips against ears that makes me the weakest.
It’s always lines around eyes that show me worth, care, laughter, humour, brilliance, secrets.
Red wine.
First release of something I don’t even understand.
Release of this, or that, or nothing at all.
