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Today as I was busting my ass on the elliptical machine at the gym, trying to avoid the guilt I felt for sneaking a cookie after dinner last night…I started thinking. I was looking around at all the other girls working out in that gym; staring into the mirrors, their reflections looking back at them. Were the same feelings of inadequacy going through each of those girls heads? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why don’t we ever feel like we’re good enough?
In the moral order of our media driven society, the definition of what constitutes beauty, or even an acceptable body, seems to become more inaccessible all the time. We live in a universe where you could bounce a quarter off the well toned abs of any celebrity, and magazines are filled with airbrushed photographs of emaciated models with breast implants. We are constantly bombarded with images of Nicole Richie and The Olsen’s among other twenty somethings who look like they need feeding tubes. How is any normal girl supposed to feel attractive or desirable when these ladies set the bar?
The pursuit of beauty has become an obsession for so many. It is an obsession that gnaws at the insecurities of most women; even those who are, by any objective opinion, drop dead gorgeous. Nobody wants to acknowledge that in our sophisticated decade, something as superficial as beauty can propel one person forward and hold another back. Society needs a revolution in its values. Beauty needs to be defined with much broader parameters. We need to avoid being trapped into the suffocating vanity that cuts off oxygen to the brains of so many girls (myself included!)
Beauty is nothing we can ever hold onto, yet we’ve panted after it through the ages, eager to drink it in and swallow it down in huge, hungry gulps- like the very breath of air itself. I’ve realized that if I have to sacrifice having fun and doing things that I enjoy in life to look a certain way, the choice is clear. Living fully and being happy is what life is for. Perfection is an illusion.
And in my experience, many of those who appear perfect to the outside world are merely camouflaging a plethora of imperfections on the inside.
I’ve come to the conclusion that you’ve got to have a healthy relationship with your body if you want to be happy with it. This has been an ongoing struggle for me. I wish I could say that I love and accept myself as I am, but the truth is, I have spent much of my life worrying about how I look and feeling insecure about my body.
We all come in different shapes and sizes, and the grass is always greener on the other side; two cliches that, like most cliches, happen to to be true. We are all different, and we all wish we had something other than what we have. What we women need to do, instead of worrying about what we don’t have, is just love what we do have. Get to know your body. Love it, respect it, treat it right.
Because really…doesn’t the world have more important issues to focus on?
(Originally posted: 6/30/07)
8 Comments so far
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Is perfection necessary? No. But being healthy is, and our society is so afraid to offend anyone that we send the totally wrong message to young women nowadays. Being satisfied with your body no matter what it looks and feels like is dangerous. A struggle with self-esteem could save your life if it motivates you to get slim and healthy.
Sure, there are tons of celebs with slim frames, but how many girls that slim are in your AVERAGE town. Maybe in L.A. the level of beauty is that high but most women I see on the street here are still fat slobs.
Comment by Janine - Alternative Housewife July 24, 2010 @ 4:55 pmI wrote, “Get to know your body. Love it, respect it, treat it right.” What I’m saying is, take good care of your body, put good food into it and exercise, but do that to be healthy, not to attain some ideal image that might never be possible for you. I think people can be healthy at different sizes. I’m definitely not saying we should all become fat slobs and be okay with it. I just feel that (at least in my city) there is a ridiculous amount of pressure on all girls to be “perfect.” There are a lot of girls in Vancouver who do look like the girls in magazines. It makes it difficult to ever feel good enough, even when you are.
Comment by Jennifer Stoddart July 24, 2010 @ 6:09 pmJennifer, I know all about the struggles a lot of us woman encounter, sometimes on a daily basis. I am a recovering anorexic/bulemic. Only this past year, when I started really digging deep inside myself to do the personal growth work I needed, did my disordered eating patterns and behvious backed off. After 10 years! I really owe it to the cognitive therapy work I have been doing as well as changing up my work-out. I am so tired of punishing or rewarding myself with food. I love to eat healthy and clean, but I love a dirty cheeseburger and a piece of decadent cake now and again. I don’t pendulum swing anymore(oh I ate too much at the staff party so I will starve myself tomorrow and do 3 hours of step class. Once I took the emotional weight out of my daily eating – wow,my body normailized, I eat well, and I indulge here and there guilt free. It’s all about balance – and I am so happy I have found mine and no longer have to struggle with this silent secret.
as far as perfect girls go – trust me I wanted to be one – but once you truly feel comfortable in your own self, then you begin to carry yourself different, with an air of confidence. The last nude photoshoot I did the photographer was sooo happy at my look, body and mostly that way I carried myself. I’m not perfect, never will be, and I can and have stopped berating myself(or dating men that do that for me)about why am I not a size 5. I have hips, ass, and a small waist that looks divine in a corset. I no longer date men who say I would look better if I lost 5 pounds nor do I emotionally eat when I am feeling sad(this haunted me for the better part of my adult life. cry, eat, cry some more, purge, cry. Then do some crazy cleanse to get myself ‘back on track’. My food didn’t need help, my emotional being did! Now I exercise daily, with running being the sport that allows me more eating leniency – as it really helps me drops those extra pounds and I love the runners high. I decided to train for the 1/2 marathon(Diva’s on the Run – women only -Oct 17th) My firt time, care to join? Could always use a running partner. Thank you for this post, and being so real and genuine. This is a tough subject, and more woman then we know are afflicting my what society is projecting upon us. We can never fully sheild ourselves from it, so take it as it is, knowing you are doing what you can with you have. I’ve seen that confidence ooooze out of you at times. You are a beautiful lady with a big heart and an even bigger smile.
Sorry this is so long, it just really hits home for me and I am completely thankful I do not suffer like I once did. It can be done! and I can share my personal growth on this issue with you if you want to listen/have questions Lets go shoot some hoops sometime lady!
Comment by Phaedra July 25, 2010 @ 9:13 amAMEN! I’ve had the same struggles in my life, thankfully not to the degree that many of my friends have had. It’s a fine line between weight obsession and just being healthy and it can be difficult to maintain a balance. Sometimes I think that I’ll never be fully satisfied with my body, but as you said…perfection is an illusion.
Comment by aliciafashionsita July 30, 2010 @ 1:57 pmI really do love my curves and body shape, but there is so much pressure out there to be skinnier and it feels like as much as I’m confident and embrace it, I get so much media backlash stating the opposite. Le sigh…
Thanks for your comment, Alicia. And can I please just say that you are a total babe? Curves are hot, and hard as it may be to ignore that media backlash, I do think we really need to try.
Comment by Jennifer Stoddart July 30, 2010 @ 2:26 pmKeep that confidence of yours and please keep posting photos of all your amazing outfits for us to admire. xo
Wow. I just wrote an entry about this topic. I guess women really are fed up. Do you think men sit around thinking about the ice cream cone that they ate at the beach. No! Because they don’t have to fear that someone will take a photograph of their cellulite and post it on a magazine! Ha!
Comment by City Cinderella August 5, 2010 @ 9:08 amI love this line of thinking. Let’s keep it up!
you’re a beautiful woman. I’ve always thought that. always will
Comment by zona August 10, 2010 @ 11:30 pmThanks, zona.
Comment by Jennifer Stoddart August 11, 2010 @ 12:31 pm